Organ Donation
Every year in the UK, over 3,000 lives are saved or significantly improved by donated organs and tissue. These transplants can only happen because the donor has consented to organ donation for example by joining the Organ Donor Register or by discussing their decision to donate with relatives or close friends. Under current UK law, if you want to donate your organs after death you must make your wishes known.
There are a number of ways of ensuring your wishes are taken into consideration:
- Discuss your decision with a family member. This is vitally important. The medical team will require their help in the donation process in the event of your death. Understanding your reasons for wanting to donate will help them to carry out your wishes at a very difficult time. The relatives of organ donors often talk of finding great strength from this process as it means that other lives are saved
- Put your name on the NHS Organ Donor Register. This makes it easier for the NHS to establish your wishes as quickly as possible
- Carry a donor card. The donor card was introduced in 1971 at a time when only kidneys could be donated. It’s still a valid method but if you’re not carrying one in the event of your death there’s a risk that your wishes won’t be carried out.
The NHS Organ Donor Register was introduced in 1994. It’s a confidential, computerised database that currently holds the names of nearly 16 million people who have decided to donate their tissue, organs or both. The register is used to check if, and what, a person wanted to donate.
Donor cards are still used but, because they can be lost or stolen, the NHS Organ Donor Register is the best way of ensuring your wishes are permanently recorded. The process of registration is very quick and easy. It allows you to specify precisely what you wish to donate. If at any point after registering you change your mind, you can log back in to amend your record. Click here to register today.
After death, you can donate the following organs:
- Kidneys
- Heart
- Liver
- Lungs
- Pancreas
- Small bowel
It’s also possible to donate tissue, such as corneas, skin, bone, tendons, cartilage and heart valves. A cornea transplant can restore someone’s sight, a bone transplant can prevent limb amputation in bone cancer patients and skin grafts can treat people for severe burns.
If you’ve been turned down to give blood you may still be eligible to donate and having an existing medical condition doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t be an organ donor. Healthcare professionals will make the decision based on your individual medical history.
There’s no minimum age to join the register and parents can register their children at the time of their birth.
Living donation
A shortage of organs has led to an increasing number of living donors. The most common organ donated by living donors is the kidney, since it’s possible to live a perfectly healthy life with just one functioning kidney. Transplants are more likely to be successful if the donor is alive and healthy.
Part of a liver can also be transplanted, as can a segment of a lung. There have been a very small number of cases of the small bowel (small intestine) being transplanted.
The Human Tissue Authority (HTA) carefully monitors living donor transplants. It regulates donations from living people of solid organs, bone marrow and stem cells. The Human Tissue Act 2004 requires the HTA to approve all transplants from living donors, whether they’re relatives or not. The HTA works closely with the Organ Donation Directorate of NHS Blood and Transplant to do this.
Source: The NHS
Choosing Funeral Flowers
Most people love to see lots of fresh, colourful flowers at the funeral of a loved one and the sympathy cards attached to the wreaths or tributes are often treasured for many years .
When chosen carefully floral tributes can say more than words but often it is difficult to know what to send. Here’s a quick guide to help you.
- Close family usually select the Coffin Spray or a Name Tribute so unless you are very close to the deceased leave these alone
- Sometime the family will request a certain colour theme, if possible you should respect this request
- If there are no colour restrictions try to choose colours which reflect either the deceased or yourself
- Don’t worry about the meaning of certain flowers, just choose those you like or those you think the deceased would have liked
- There are lots of funeral flowers available at florists, ranging from simple sheaths, wreaths of all sizes, names spelt out, heart shapes, ball shapes, the list goes on
- Bear in mind that florists may have to substitute certain flowers in funeral wreaths depending on the time of the year.
To order funeral flowers online have a look at the following:
How to Give A Eulogy to Remember
Imagine a wedding where the wedding speeches are made by someone who has never met – or barely knows – the bride and groom.
Wouldn’t that be a shame?
And yet all too often, with a funeral, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens. And people sometimes regret it for years to come. “I wish I’d stood up and said something,” they say.
Of course, in a way it’s perfectly understandable. The time between a person’s passing and the funeral is naturally a sad and emotional one for those left behind. And because many people are at first daunted by the idea of delivering a eulogy, it’s all too easy to leave it to someone else.
And yet the reality is that it doesn’t have to be that way. As well as being a great honor, and an opportunity to do something good for everyone who will be there, giving the eulogy is almost guaranteed to be a positive and moving experience for the person who steps up for the task. And, with the right approach and support, it can actually be pretty straightforward. In all my years of experience, I have never met anyone who regretted giving a eulogy.
So if you’re at all considering it, take heart, be bold, and go ahead.
And here are the six steps you can follow to make the process easier and even more rewarding for you, for all your own special reasons.
Step 1 – Take A Moment for Yourself
At a time like this, it pays to take a little time for yourself, so you can reflect for a while and connect with your memories of this special person. Remind yourself of the very good reasons you are doing this, and also bear in mind the truth, which is that people who hear your speech will be extremely supportive, and will actually be grateful to you for doing it.
Step 2 – Decide What Kind of Eulogy
There are two kinds of eulogy – the short biography, and the personal view. You simply need to choose the right one for you.
The short biography considers someone’s life as a whole. That doesn’t mean it covers everything, rather that you start at the beginning – when and where they were born, etc. – and mention the various parts of their life, up until their last days. This way you touch on the different aspects of their life, plus it can also be a very personal approach, especially when you include happy stories and memories.
The personal view is more like a slice of the person’s life, a series of snapshots. It can be purely your own experiences, stories and impressions of their character, or you can include other people’s memories too. This is very poignant, especially if you write as if you are talking directly to the person who has gone, e.g. “I’ll always remember the time when you…”
Some funerals have both kinds of eulogy – a short biography from a family member, plus a personal view from a colleague or friend, for example.
Step 3 – Collect Your Building Blocks
What if you could imagine floating up in a balloon, and looking down on someone’s life as a sequence of photographs laid out below you?
This step is simply collecting those photos. You can rely on your own memories and knowledge, or ask others for their input. You might ask about their most precious memories, or things they remember that really show the person’s character. And you can also gather facts on the person’s childhood, family, career, pastimes, passions, dreams, best ever holidays, etc.
Bear in mind that humor is a good thing. Yes, funerals are sad, but this person also had happy and funny times in their life, and telling stories of these can be a great way to really bring their memory to life. And you’ll be giving people the healing gift of laughter.
Step 4 – Bring Your Building Blocks Together
Every eulogy has an opening, a middle and a closing.
For the opening you might simply welcome people and acknowledge the sadness of the day. For the closing you can sum up the person’s character, say how much they’ll be missed, thank those who have helped, and perhaps invite people back somewhere.
As for the middle, that’s where your building blocks come in. If you want to keep your speech to about five minutes, you may need to discard some of them – trust your own best judgement on this.
Step 5 – Rehearse and Refine
Once you’ve drafted out your speech, read it aloud a few times, because this way you’ll naturally notice improvements you can make.
You can also borrow a wonderful technique which Olympic athletes use to calm their nerves. What they do is, they make a movie of themselves running the race, with everything going well (see yourself giving the eulogy, with everything going well). And once they’re happy with the movie, they step inside and run it again, looking out through their own eyes, hearing through their own ears, and feeling how good it feels to have everything going well like this.
Muhammad Ali did this many times for every boxing match he ever had, which is one reason his predictions so often came true. And you can use the same approach to make sure you deliver this eulogy really well too.
Step 6 – Delivering the Eulogy
This is a time to make things easy for yourself. If you can, find out beforehand about the room layout, the lectern, the microphone, how many people will be there, etc. The more you know the more confident you will feel. Also, if you had any concern about being too emotional, ask someone to stand by as your back-up person for reading the eulogy, as this will again boost your confidence.
Then, for the day, print the eulogy out double spaced so that it’s easy for you to keep your place, take two copies of it just in case, and carry a small bottle of water so you can keep your mouth moist before and during your speech.
When you follow these six simple steps, you will be doing a great service in three ways:
1. To the special person who has gone, by honoring their memory
2. To the people who hear you, by giving them the gifts of sharing, of fondly remembering, and of healing
3. To yourself, by giving yourself the chance to do something special, to heal yourself at an even deeper level, and to know you have made a difference
And as you look at it like this, I wonder how easily you can now see what a wonderful thing it is to take the next steps, to give the eulogy, to share the memories and stories, and to bring some love and laughter at a time of sorrow and loss.
*****************************************
Kevin Burch BSc MSc PGCE MPNLP is a Professional Funeral Presider and author of the eulogy guide ‘A Eulogy to Remember – How to give a great eulogy in six simple steps’, which presents a simple, six-step process for successfully delivering a eulogy and includes example eulogies, appropriate poems and quotes, and even some 30-minute fill-in-the-blanks templates which you can use if you are really short of time.
You can download Section One of ‘A Eulogy to Remember’ for free – and the complete guide at a discount – by clicking here.
© Empowering Publications, 2006
Breakthrough Breast Cancer
The Breakthrough Toby Robins Breast Cancer Research Centre, at the Institute of Cancer Research, is the result of more than ten years’ work by Breakthrough Breast Cancer and its supporters. Breakthrough was the vision of Bill Freedman and his children. Bill’s wife, Toby Robins, died from breast cancer in 1986. Together with Professor Barry Gusterson of the Institute of Cancer Research, Bill recognised that a new approach was needed to tackle this disease.Their vision was of a centre of excellence for breast cancer research, with experts working under one roof on a coordinated programme of research. Breakthrough Breast Cancer was founded to make this a reality.
The building of the Breakthrough Research Centre was the result of a partnership between Breakthrough and the Institute of Cancer Research. It was made possible by the £15 million raised by the tireless work of individuals, many with direct experience of the disease, and the support of companies and trusts.
M-J Mitchell GreenThroughout, the generosity of Peter Green and his family has been instrumental in achieving this vision and the Breakthrough Research Centre is housed in the Mary-Jean Mitchell Green Building, dedicated to the memory of his late wife who died of the disease.
Fuelled by the determination of our supporters, the Breakthrough Research Centre was ready for business in only eight years. With Professor Alan Ashworth appointed as Director, the Centre was opened in 1999 by Breakthrough’s Patron, HRH The Prince of Wales.
Currently, seven teams work side by side on a coordinated research programme, unravelling the causes and mechanisms of this disease. Benefiting from links with other researchers and clinicians at the Institute of Cancer Research and the Royal Marsden Hospital, scientists at the Centre are at the hub of the largest cancer facility in Europe.
In addition to the Breakthrough Research Centre, Breakthrough has made some impressive progress in campaigning for better breast cancer services.
In November 2003, Breakthrough’s Campaigns & Advocacy Network was formed when the UK Breast Cancer Coalition (UKBCC) merged with Breakthrough Breast Cancer.
The UKBCC had a long history of successful campaigning and breast cancer advocacy work. It was founded in 1995 by women with personal experience of breast cancer. These women believed that the standard of care and treatment for breast cancer shouldn’t depend on where you live in the country. In the years since 1995, the UKBCC and its members – individuals and organisations committed to improving all aspects of breast cancer treatments, services and research – campaigned at a local and national level to achieve their goals. This campaigning took the form of lobbying and working in partnership with everyone from MPs and Government Ministers, to NHS Managers and GPs.
In 2003, the UKBCC won the Communiqué Patient Association of the Year Award in recognition of the success of its work. A unique element of the UKBCC was that it combined campaigning with providing members with tailored information and training events and materials to develop their campaigning and advocacy skills. Thus they also created a network of motivated, skilled and informed breast cancer advocates able to campaign on the issues they felt were most important and improve breast cancer services where they live.
Source: Breakthrough Breast Cancer
How to make a Living Will
Every adult with mental capacity has the right to agree to or refuse medical treatment. To make your advance wishes clear you can use a living will.
Living wills can include general statements about your wishes, which aren’t legally binding, and specific refusals of treatment called ‘advanced decisions’ or ‘advance directives’.
A general written statement (sometimes called an ‘advance statement’) can set out which treatments you feel you would or wouldn’t like to receive should you lose mental capacity in the future. Advance statements aren’t legally binding, but health professionals do have to take them into account when deciding on a course of action. Family and friends can also use them as evidence of your wishes.
You could also make your views known verbally, for example, when discussing treatment with a health care professional, but having it written down may make things clearer for everyone.
Your statement could include:
- treatment you would be happy to have, and in what circumstances
- treatment you would want, no matter how ill you are
- treatment you would prefer not to have, and in what circumstances
- someone you would like to be consulted about your treatment at the time a decision needs to be made
- it can also include a specific refusal of treatment, which has a different legal status
- if writing an advance statement, bear in mind that new drugs or treatments may be introduced in the future. So you could, for example, state that you would prefer not to receive certain current treatments but would allow for new treatments
- include your name, address, date and signature
- it’s also advisable to say you understand what you’re doing and are capable of making such decisions
- get the statement signed by a witness who can say that you had capacity at the time
You can still make a living will if you’re diagnosed with a mental illness, as long as you can show that you understand the implications of what you’re doing. You need to be competent to make the decision in question, not necessarily to make other decisions.
It’s best to put your wishes in writing and explain:
- why you’ve made your decision about how you do or don’t want to be treated
- what you understand about the treatment you’re agreeing to or refusing
- why you’re making these decisions now
It’s important that your living will is entered into your medical notes so that in an emergency it is found and acted upon. Consider sending a copy to your doctor and to any hospital which is treating you and to your nearest relatives. If your living will is verbal, make sure close relatives or friends are aware.
Consider reviewing your living will on a regular basis to make sure you’re happy with it and particularly if your situation changes.
You can change or cancel it if you are able to think rationally and clearly explain what you want to happen. Ideally, put things in writing and destroy old versions.
You can get help from solicitors specialising in mental health or community care. The Mind Legal Advice line (020 8519 2122, 2.00 pm to 4.30 pm, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays), your care co-ordinator, doctor or Citizens Advice Bureau can also help.
Source: Directgov – public services all in one place
|
DIY Living Will Packs from Amazon |
Grief Counselling
Although counselling is unlikely to speed up the grieving process it can help ease the pain of grief. It also gives you the opportunity to talk through any emotional problems you may have or to just talk about the person you lost.
Counselling essentially helps people to adjust to a changed situation. According to The British Association of Counselling, “It gives the client an opportunity to explore, discover and clarify ways of living more satisfyingly and resourcefully.”
A great source for finding suitable counselling is via Cruse Bereavement Care which exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss. Services are free to bereaved people. The charity provides support and offers information, advice, education and training services.
For publications on Grief and Bereavement Counselling take a look below:
| Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner | When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief (Drawing Out Feelings) |
Grief in Young Children: A Handbook for Adults |
 |
 |
 |
Memorials
It is important to most people to have a lasting memorial to remember their loved ones. A memorial provides a place to visit, to lay flowers or to just sit and remember.
There are lots of memorials to choose from for the cemetary as well as for cremation, there are also special memorials for children. Here is a selection of companies specialising in memorials:
- Co-operative Funeralcare
- Memorials of Distinction
- McGarry Memorials – based in Manchester, UK
As well as the traditional memorials there are other ways to remember a loved one. The most popular way is to donate money in the memory of someone special, you can do that here:
- Barnardos.org.uk – donote in memory
- The Woodlands Trust – dedicate a tree
Another way to remember is to create online memorials, here are a few popular sites:
- GoneTooSoon is a not-for-profit organisation which enables anyone to create a free online memorial, leave a lasting tribute or light a candle for a much loved relative or friend who has passed away.
- MuchLoved is a registered charity working for bereaved people worldwide. We are here to help you create sensitive, personalised and lasting memorial websites in memory of your loved ones.
- Light up a Life – This site aims to provide you with a full listing of the hundreds of community-based ‘Light up a Life’ events which will be taking place across the country this winter. Light up a Life is the name given to a series of special events organised by local hospices. These events offer an opportunity to remember, celebrate and light a candle in memory of a loved one. By entering the postcode or place name and clicking on the search button on the right, you will find full details of the Light up a Life events taking place in your area. You can also use this website to light a virtual candle in memory of a loved one.
Raw Garden are an online gardening company who also sell Memorial Benches. Commemmorating a loved one, a charitable donation or just a personalised gift, Raw Garden can supply a range of top quality benches from £185.94 to £699.99 that will stand the test of time as well as tribute! Click here to see more details.
Memorial Benches
| Raw Garden are an online gardening company who also sell Memorial Benches. Commemmorating a loved one, a charitable donation or just a personalised gift, Raw Garden can supply a range of top quality benches from £185.94 to £699.99 that will stand the test of time as well as tribute!
All the benches below can be personalised with your own tribute as follows:
|
|
|
| The Classic Teak Bench from Kingdom Teak is ideal for gardens or as a memorial park bench, with its higher back specially designed to maximise comfort. Clean cut and original in design, this robust furniture provides ideal seating to suit all and even has a flat armrest for a cup of tea. Its smooth lines and wide seat add to the comfort of this traditional classic teak garden bench. Available in 3 widths, 120, 150 and 180cm - Price £260 |
 Neptune Classic Canterbury 4ft Bench |
| Sculpted from Albizzia, a strong, durable hardwood, the Canterbury garden bench provides a cost-effective alternative to our teak benches. The benches are constructed using mortice and tenon jointing. The robust frame, smooth lines and wide seat add comfort to this versatile traditional garden feature, and will withstand many years of continual outdoor use. Price £187.50 |
 Britannia 2.4m Heavy Teak Bench |
| The Britannia 2.4m Heavy Teak Bench from Kingdom Teak provides strength and durability, extra 7cm-thick chunky legs, arms and an all-round heavier construction. This bench will last a lifetime and is great for parks and public spaces. Price £699.99 |
Help with Funeral Costs
Did you know that you may be able to get help towards the cost of a funeral? If you or your partner are getting a low income benefit you may be able to get a Funeral Payment. This is a one-off, tax-free payment to help cover the necessary costs of a funeral.
For more information about this payment please visit the Job Centre Plus website or download a claim form.
